Tuesday, February 17, 2015

How Can We Expect A Man To Love Us, When We Don’t Love Ourselves?




“Find yourself FIRST…like yourself FIRST…love yourself FIRST… & friendship & love will naturally find YOU.” 
 
Mandy Hale

Interesting title we have here.

Have you ever asked yourself this question?

Lately, this has been a topic among women at work, my circle of friends and oddly enough, strangers. The way I see it, until we learn to love ourselves, a man cannot truly love us in the fashion we want to be loved.

Yes, he could love us, but really, would it be the way we want to be loved? Or, would it be his twisted up way of love? I don’t know about you but I want to be loved in a fashion that’s true, genuine, and above all else, Godly.


We have to love our self in a way that shows a man, I am confident in who I am and I will not be treated any kind of way. Ladies, when we truly love ourselves we have a glow about ourselves, we are cheerful, bubbly, and we make wise decisions. When we are secure in ourselves we see things more clearly. When we are insecure we walk with our head down, we have sunken shoulders, and we don’t make wise decisions.

In my opinion, as women we set the tone for the way a man treats us. If a man gets a hint that we are insecure, he will start to treat us any kind of way. Sure, everything starts off wonderful in the beginning, right? Then in many cases, things start to go downhill and we wonder, how did we get here?

Ladies, we are here because somewhere in the mist of loving a man so much we have forgotten all about loving ourselves. Therefore, a man believes because we are so in love, he can start to handle us any kind of way. He’s saying to himself, oh she’ll never leave me.

Yes, some men believe this!

So, now we are left feeling depressed, stressed and have anxiety. We are thinking to ourselves, “I just wanted to be loved.” I know there’s someone out there that can relate to what I’m talking about. Come on now, I’m just keeping it real.

As I stated in my last post, I’m a firm believer in when we learn to love ourselves everything else falls into place. 

Let’s look at ways we can learn to love ourselves:

1.       The first thing we should do is seek God. God is our source for making wise decisions. He should be the one we turn to first above all. Pray for wisdom and discernment.

2.       Ask God to show you all the ways you can learn to love YOU as He loves you. I believe in, Matthew 7:7 "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you.”


3.       Take time and find out about the things you enjoy and put forth the effort to start doing them. Whether it is taking a walk in the park, running, going to the gym or taking a yoga class, find out what brings you joy and puts a smile on that pretty face. Yes, you are beautiful! The smile is there, you just have to bring it out.

I love to go walk the lake’s at LSU. The view of the lake during the spring and summer is just so peaceful. Watching the ducks and looking at the water sway back and forth just brings calmness over my entire body. The scenery is just so breath taking. I love to see the people interacting while they are walking or running. Everyone just looks so happy and at peace. The whole atmosphere is just so relaxing. Namaste.

4.       Take a trip by yourself or just take some quiet time for yourself. Meditate. Read. You just might discover some things you never knew about yourself. This will help you discover who you are. You might come to the realization that “Hey, I’m so darn lovable and I love myself.” Your next statement will be “I don’t need a man’s love to feel whole. I love me some ME!”

Now, don’t get me wrong, everyone wants to be loved, but there’s a difference between a want and a need. When we love ourselves and feel whole and complete, we don’t need a man; we want a man. There’s a difference between the wanting and needing of a man’s love.  When we need a man, we are willing to put up with whatever, when we want a man there a limitation of what we will put up with. Understand the difference.

As we journey into this phenomenal way of learning to love ourselves we will find that, a man cannot love us unconditionally until we learn to love ourselves. It is then we will be adamant about how a man should treat us. We will demand respect and if a man is not willing to see that we are queens and treat us accordingly, we will have no problem with sending him on his way.

This new found love we’ve found within ourselves will leave a smile on our face that no one will ever be able to take away from us again. We will be so happy that we finally took the time to discover who we are, what we love, and the things we enjoy doing. We will finally be able to say, “This is how I deserve to be treated.” How I deserve to be treated will never have to be a topic of discussion ever again.

Everyone around us will be like WOW, she finally knows her worth.  It is then we come to realize that there is nothing wrong with being by ourselves until God sends us the mate that he created for us.


What techniques did you used when you discovered who you were?

Thanks for reading…
Leave a comment and share your thoughts!
Until next time,
Spread your wings and fly…
Be Encouraged,


Daria