A Letter to My Beloved Great-Aunt, Sister

Good-Byes are not forever. Good-Byes are not the end. They simply mean, I'll miss you until we mean again! ~ Anonymous

Today is the day you will be laid to rest.

It all seems surreal that you are forever gone. To know that I will never get another phone call or get to visit you anymore is heartbreaking. To receive the message Saturday morning the 28^th that you had gone home to be with the Lord, was devastating. I was shocked and without any words for a minute. Honestly, I did not know how to feel.

I remember our last several visits, you told me you were prepared and ready for whenever death came. Sitting there then, I was not ready for that conversation. I remember tears forming and shortly thereafter us saying good-bye until our next visit.

So knowing what you shared with me, I knew the time would eventually come. I did not however, expect it to happen during our states stay-at-home order. If I had known, Tuesday, the 24^th would have been our last conversation I would have kept you on the phone longer than our normal couple of minutes. I would have held the phone lingering in your presence.

The phone rang the other morning, around the normal time you would call and I said that’s sister. But, the reality of it was, it was not you and the tears started to fall.  

It pains me to know the things I will not be experiencing with you anymore.

Things such as:

·         Our daily phone calls.

·         Hearing you ask me when am I coming to see you again?

·         You being rude to people and me telling you that’s not nice.

·         You asking me when the wedding is?

·         Hearing you call me to talk and when you were finished, rudely say bye and just hang up.   Lol, you were a mess.

·         Rushing me after our visits so that you could go take your nap before dinner.

·         Your calls to make sure I made it home safely after our visits.

The Covid-19 event, took my last visit with you from me. I cannot help but think that if this pandemic would not have hit our state and your visits could have continued that you would still be here. I feel you left because you were lonely. You loved having visitors and all of that had to temporarily cease. I know, I know, you shared with me, you were ready but I am sorry, my thoughts are different because what we are experiencing.

Sister, we did not even have a chance to talk about this pandemic. I loved our conversations and hearing your thoughts about worldly affairs. I just knew when I talked to you right after I was denied seeing you and you said see you in a month that our latest conversation would be what has happened in the world. I already know you would have been saying God is trying to get our attention to bring us back to him.

As I am sitting here writing this, I am laughing and crying. Sister, as hard as it will be, I will try and think about all of our great memories we have shared. Our visits, laughter, conversations, outings, your bluntness because you have never been the one to bite your tongue which I found to be embarrassing and funny. Many people, could not deal with you as you got older, but I knew how to handle you and did not become offended by your words. 

I guess that is why our bond was so strong. I know these memories will hold me when those tears start to flood in remembrance of you.

You living to be 92 years old is what I am grateful for and having these memories as an adult is what I will cherish. I am forever grateful God kept you here that long and allowed me to spend those times with you. I know I am one blessed great-niece. And, between you and I, lol, I will keep those moments to myself, of you telling me I was always your favorite. Finger over my lips, shhhhhh.

Tuesday night the 31st, I had a dream of you laying in your casket, hands crossed on your chest, holding your rosary beads, looking all peaceful. You were so pretty looking. Your skin was glowing. I guess God, gave me that last glimpse of you because he knows because of what is going on in the world, I will not have a formal last visit. Thank you, Lord for showing me sister is at peace.  

Damn you, Covid-19!

Sister, until we meet again, I will think about our memories in my heart. In times of heartache and pain, I will think about our treasured moments that God has blessed me with.

I love you.

I miss you.

I will forever hold you in my heart.

Let’s fly together!


Daria